


Buffy Encounters the Trousers of Time in the Company of a Drunk Horny Kitten

by Fraggleshrew



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Elysian Fields Exquisite Corpse Challenge 2018, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-17
Updated: 2018-05-17
Packaged: 2019-05-08 09:41:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14691528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fraggleshrew/pseuds/Fraggleshrew
Summary: My chapter written for yellowb's 2018 Elysian Fields Exquisite Corpse challenge. Each author was given the last paragraph of previous chapter with no other info. I was last so also linked back to the first paragraph of the first chapter. Which meant I could totally throw out canon Intervention. And add a random Pratchett quote.





	Buffy Encounters the Trousers of Time in the Company of a Drunk Horny Kitten

**Author's Note:**

  * For [OffYourBird](https://archiveofourown.org/users/OffYourBird/gifts), [yellowb](https://archiveofourown.org/users/yellowb/gifts), [sandy_s](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sandy_s/gifts).



> Originally posted on Elysian Fields  
> Paragraphs from other people's works in bold. Thanks to EF's sandy_s for the beta as well as my starting paragraph, to yellowb for the challenge and to OffYourBird for my final paragraph.  
> Disclaimer: I own nothing except my words - just playing in Joss' sandbox

**“Which one?” Buffy asked. Then, she saw what he saw: a time from their past that she knew he cherished beyond measure… a memory that involved neither of them dying. She smiled up at him. “Perfect.”**

_Well if they were going to have to go back to any point it might as well be that one, right? I mean we weren’t dying and most of the crap hadn’t happened yet, so there was some chance of fixing at least some of it. And it was kinda sweet that he wanted to go back to that moment. He was messed up as hell, broken in all kinds of ways - and it wasn’t as if there was any kind of history of me being even vaguely nice to him. I had in fact made everything much harder by being blind, ignorant and self-righteous - at least some things had changed for the better._

“We will still know what we know, right? I’m not going to go back to being like I was then? I can’t do it if I’m just going to make the same mistakes all over again.” Buffy had a moment of panic. She'd lived so many years since that memory. No way could she face losing all that knowledge and experience.

“You’ll remember, but you are going into a new dimension so not everything is as you remember it. You can’t do anything to save your timeline, but you can save this one. Remember what I said about bifurcation?” The Intermediary frowned at the pair. Had they even been listening?

Spike looked at The Intermediary with disdain. “You’re just full of fun, aren’t you? Anyone would think you’re enjoyin’ this - _mate_. Sending us down a different leg in the trousers of time.”

“Shhhh Spike, don’t upset him!” Buffy hissed. “And what the heck are you talking about pants for? We need his help to go back. Why do you always have to do this?”

“What?” Spike pouted and gave her the most innocent expression he could muster.

“This,” she gestured between them, “you know, be difficult?”

He snorted. “Jus’ naturally talented that way I guess. You know I can’t resist - what with bein’ the Big Bad ‘n’all.”

“Oh puhlease, you've not been the ‘Big Bad’ anywhere but the bedroom for years now.” Buffy’s eyes flashed at him, but she couldn’t hide a glance at his crotch.

There was a polite cough from behind them. “Are you sure this is wise? You seem to have some unresolved issues here. Perhaps if you reconsider?” The Powers didn’t pay The Intermediary enough to have to deal with a feisty Slayer and a vampire with impulsiveness issues.

“Nah, we’ve got this, haven’t we, kitten? All's fair in love and war and all that. ‘Sides, we’re goin’ back to when our relationship wasn’t all moonlight and roses, and I need her to despise me, so it feels realistic in the moment.”

“As you’re sure.” The Intermediary wafted a hand around them. “I’d wish you luck, but on current evidence, I believe this to be a fool's errand.” As they disappeared, he was sure he heard a shout from the vampire cut off as if the Slayer had muffled it. The Intermediary sighed and said a silent prayer for mankind.

************

The melding of consciousness felt very strange, old memories becoming fresh, newer ones fading into white noise… some noticeable gaps and fuzziness, some slightly confusing new images as the memories from this dimension’s alternate timeline settled.

Spike felt Buffy pull back from his lips. The sense of awe and wonder was still so strong. She’d given him his crumb without ever realising it all that time ago. He’d have followed her to the end of the world. In fact, that’s exactly what he had done.

Reality came when she gave him a clip over the back of the head. “What the bloody fuck was that for?”

“You can’t call an emissary of the Powers a wanker, Spike!”

“What else would you call him? He had a stick up his arse even longer than yours when I first met you, luv.” He winced. “Ow. I’d forgotten what a number Glory did on me. Punctured lungs hurt like a bitch. Even worse than the broken ribs.”

Buffy looked guilty. “Sorry for smacking your head, sweetie. I’d forgotten how badly she hurt you, too. Although it’s still not as bad as the First or that dragon in L.A. from what I heard. Let’s get you comfy. Is there a downstairs yet?”

“I think so? Don’t think I can make it down right now though, even if you help me. How about you just go get me some blood? That’ll fix me right up if it’s got a bit of Slayer mixed in.” Spike tried to lie back down but couldn’t lift his legs. Buffy huffed and sorted him out, so he was at least lying flat.

“OK, you stay there while I go foraging.” She stroked his cheek. “I’ll be back before you know it. And just for the record, this perky outfit I’m wearing. What were you thinking?”

“Don’t think ‘thinking’ had much to do with it, kitten. I was lonely and desperate, and you didn’t exactly respond as expected to my declarations of love. Plus, I was a shy little ponce as a human, so wooing a damsel was not in my skill set.”

She chuckled and kissed his forehead as it seemed to be relatively damage free. “You wooed this damsel good, ponce. I’ll see what I can pick up from Willy.” She pulled the crypt door closed as she left.

He lay still, his whole body aching from the beating he’d taken. At least this time, he’d have some help to recover. Last time, she’d left him alone in his crypt, unable to protect himself and with nothing to eat. He’d never felt so vulnerable, not even when he was wheelchair-bound in the mansion on Crawford Street. Wasn’t that saying something? It’d taken days before he’d healed enough to get hold any kind of sustenance. But the kiss had kept him strong, kept him focused. She’d finally seen him as something other than a monster, and however fleeting that moment was, he cherished it beyond measure.

**********

Giles and the Scoobies (including their significant others) were gathered at Revello Drive, waiting for Buffy to come back and give them the low down on whether Spike had betrayed the whereabouts of the Key to Glory.

Joyce had been rather startled earlier that day when everyone had descended on the house, apparently to stage some kind of intervention with Buffy. As far as Joyce knew, Buffy had gone to L.A. the night before with Dawn, to see if Wesley had found out any more about the Key and/or ways to take out Glory, and she wasn’t expected back until that evening. An altogether too bright and bouncy Buffy had told them that they needed to rescue Spike as he’d been kidnapped. Joyce was pretty certain that Buffy couldn’t be in two places at once, Slayer or not. But the gang had been adamant in their condemnation of Buffy’s alleged liaison with Spike, having seen her being intimate with the vampire on patrol the night before. So they had been too busy shouting over each other to notice when the real Buffy and Dawn walked in the door.

Said entrance had caused something of a stir. Joyce was rather fond of Spike. They frequently chatted over hot chocolate, and she knew he was desperately lonely and rather lost as well as being hopelessly in love with Buffy. But even she had felt slightly queasy when faced with fact that he’d had a Buffy robot made.

Regardless of anyone’s feelings though, they had had to extract Spike from Glory’s grip. Giles and Xander had dumped him in his crypt and Buffy had gotten dressed up like the robot so she could trick him into telling her what happened.

Now, they were all waiting nervously for Buffy to return. Xander and Giles fully expected a dusty ending for Spike and a fast track exit plan to escape Glory. Joyce and Dawn were hoping that their faith in the vampire was justified and that Buffy would be able to see past her disgust regarding the disturbing sex doll. They were still waiting some hours later.

**********

Buffy had gone straight from the crypt to the Alibi Room to see what she could knock up from Willy, but he was not really cooperating. He’d seemed rather reluctant to help until she’d punched his nose and got him bent over the bar with his arm twisted behind his back.

“OK… OK! How many bags? Jeez, Slayer, are you trying to bankrupt me? Business is all quiet with the new big player in town as it is. I hope you take them out and soon.”

“It’s an emergency, Willy. And I’ll be so grateful that I won’t punch your nose next time I need intel.”

Willy nodded. “Fine.” She released his arm and watched as he straightened up and walked over to his fridge. “Got five bags of O-pos and another five of speciality. Any particular flavour to make up the numbers, or should I just give you what I know Spike likes?”

“How do you know… Oh. Not like there’s another vamp I’d be mollycoddling, huh?”

“Not really, no, Slayer. You do seem to have some kind of weird blind spot on that front. I’d thought he’d be dust long ago.”

“He keeps things interesting, Willy. Keeps me on my toes. Besides, I can’t resist his sinister attraction.” She took the bags. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” He waited until she was out the door. “Well, that was weird. And what, for the love of Mike, was she wearing?”

**********

Buffy was relieved to see that Spike was asleep when she returned from her blood hunt. It was hard to look at him the second time around. The injuries he’d sustained at Glory’s hands were devastating. How on earth had he managed to escape? And how had she not noticed them the first time, and how had she just left him there, broken, after that kiss? Yes, he’d played at being evil - but apart from the attempts to get his chip removed, he’d not done anything really bad. And the whole chip-removal hoohah was not so much about wanting to feed as wanting to protect himself from people like Riley and Xander. He was the rightful Master of Sunnydale, for goodness sake. Once he knew he could hurt demons, there was nothing to stop him dominating a bunch of minions and causing mayhem. Nothing but his love for her.

“Hey, tiger, I’ve got your blood,” she whispered, kissing his forehead again.

He woke with a groan. “Help me up, luv? Not sure I can do it alone right now.”

She put her arms behind him, pulled him into a seated position, and swung his feet round. “I got you... I’ve always got you.” She passed him one of the bags. “Just to tide you over ‘til I can find something to bleed into and get some of mine in you as well. I’d let you bite, but, you know, chip. And it’ll work better if we can fill you up fairly quick.” She wandered over to one of the window sills and picked up a mug. “You got a knife anywhere? I’ve got nothing sharp.”

“Eurgh, cold blood is disgusting. Should be a dagger up there somewhere. So, luv, what’s the plan?”

Buffy looked thoughtful. “Finish off Glory, not die, not end up working at the Doublemeat Palace, not use you as a disposable sex toy, or subject you to dubiously consensual sex, or beat you to a pulp and leave you for the sunrise?”

Spike gave her a lopsided grin. “Sounds about right. Maybe tell the Scoobies where to get off and spend some quality time with Dawn so she stops seeking attention the whole time? Poor kid’s got a lot to deal with right now what with Joyce and all. And I won’t go all ‘come into the dark’ or try to force you to tell me you love me in a totally inappropriate way.”

Buffy gave him a look, then cut across her palm and bled into the mug. “Are you trying to be funny, Spike?”

“No kitten, I wouldn’t dare. Not while I’m bashed up ‘n’all. More than my life’s worth.”

“Right answer. Now drink this. Then we’ll get you downstairs, and I’d better get home.  Don’t want another intervention right now, and you need to heal. Blood bag every 20 minutes, mister. You know the drill.” She stood in front of him and handed him the mug.

Spike knocked her blood back in one long gulp and put the mug aside. Then, he lifted her palm to his mouth and licked it clean. “God, that’s good, kitten. Definitely hits the spot.” His voice dropped lower. “Don’t s’pose you fancy…” He raised his eyebrow at her and nodded at his crotch, which was looking decidedly bulge-y. Slayer blood really did have an instantaneous effect.

“You have _got_ to be kidding. How can you even think about sex when you’re in that state?”

“I’m always thinking about it,” he growled in that dark chocolate voice of his, “You know what you do to me. Don’t even need to be there. I just get a whiff of your pillow and…”

“Ever the romantic. Good thing I find you irresistible.” She cupped his package through his jeans. “My blood really can raise the almost-dead undead, can’t it?” she said with a smirk. “Whatever shall I do with this?” She caressed him with her thumb, and he whimpered her name. “Should I make you beg, Spike?” she whispered in his ear in her huskiest voice and then kissed down his throat before pulling back and stroking his cheek.

He looked at her, lids hooded and eyes stormy. “You always make me beg, Slayer. I abase myself at your feet on a daily basis.”

“Probably time I returned the favour then, huh?” She popped the button on his fly and slipped her hand inside.

He moaned and leaned back onto his elbows. “One of these days you’re gonna kill me…”

“Nice way to go though.” She cupped his sac in one hand and brought his cock out with the other. “Hmmm, tasty.”

Spike was trying very hard not to move. As long as he stayed absolutely still, nothing really hurt too much, but this was easier said than done when Buffy had her hot little mouth around his cock. Besides, he was always a talker. Hard to praise the ground she walked on when he could barely breathe without pain. He limited himself to tiny whimpers and moans, which wasn’t quite as satisfying but was far less painful than his usual litany of compliments. He came hard and fast, groaned and collapsed across the sarcophagus. “Fuck Buffy, I wasn’t joking about you killin’ me.”

“It was your idea baby. Suck it up.” She giggled, licking her lips. “Any chance you’ll get on your feet in the next half hour?”

“OK if I jus’ stay here, luv? Don’t think I’ve got the strength to move just yet.” He tried to lift his head and failed miserably.

Buffy giggled again. “Let’s get you a little more comfortable, shall we? Come on, I’ll find a pillow and a comforter or something. Where should I look?”

“Other sarcophagus prob’ly. Still don’t know if the downstairs is done yet, but I’ll check it out once I can walk.”

She got him settled and made sure he had the blood bags in easy reach. “Every 20 minutes, remember?”

“Yes miss.” He grinned at her. “Go on, go do what you do. I’ll be fine here for a bit. Not like they think I’m the Key anymore, and Glory knows torturing me is a waste of time, so I should be safe.”

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t think much about you being safe last time. Didn’t think much beyond staking you if you’d betrayed us. I was an idiot.”

“Well, ‘course not. You were worried about Niblet, and I was an enormous pain in your arse. Don’t sweat it, luv. Now bugger off and let me rearrange the broken bits while you can’t hear me screaming.”

Buffy gave him a flirty smile over her shoulder as she left. “You can be an enormous pain in my ass later if you’re very good.”

**********

By the time Buffy finally got to Revello Drive, her friends were on the point of sending out a search party. Not surprisingly, the yelling started as soon as she got in the door. When none of them would shut up long enough for her to get a word in edgeways, she stuck her fingers in her mouth and whistled. Shocked silence reigned, especially when Joyce and Dawn came through from the kitchen.

“Mommy? Mom, you’re alive? You’re alive and I love you and…” Buffy pulled her mom into a hug and swung her around in a circle.

“So we don’t need to worry about Glory coming after Dawn then?” asked Joyce rather breathlessly.

“No. Spike kept the secret. He’d never do anything to hurt his Summers girls.” Buffy pulled Dawn into the hug. “You know he loves us, all of us, right?”

“I suspected as much.” Joyce gave her a relieved smile. “How come it took so long to get back?”

“I wanted to make sure he’d be ok. You know? I got him some blood. Made sure he was comfy.” Made him blow his rocks, she thought to herself with a smug chuckle. She caught Anya looking at her.

“Is it just me or have we entered the Twilight Zone?” Xander looked confused. “I thought you loathed Deadboy Junior. Why would you make sure he’s comfy? I thought you just wanted to get the truth out of him?”

“Because he cares about Mom and Dawn, because he’s proved that he really does love me by letting Glory torture him rather than betray me and because he deserves to be treated with respect.” Joyce and Dawn nodded; they were totally on board. If Buffy was all with the forgiving Spike, they were not about to argue.

“Um, have you forgotten about the plastic version of you he’s been having sex with for the last 24 hours?” Xander was not pleased about where this conversation was going.

“No, I haven’t forgotten, Xander, but I do seem to remember you being rather taken with the idea of a sex robot when it was April. Do you want to borrow it?” Buffy smiled sweetly at him, then turned and winked at Anya. “I’m sure Anya would be up for a threesome.” Buffy looked at her mom with a grimace and mouthed, “Sorry.”

Anya looked thoughtful for a moment. “It would be an ideal solution, honey. You’d finally get to have sex with Buffy, and I’m sure Spike wouldn’t mind now that he has the real Buffy giving him orgasms.” She winked back at the Slayer.

A spluttering noise came from Xander. “I’d never… I don’t think of you that way, Buffy. How could you say such a thing? And what with the what, Anya? Buffy’s not giving Spike anything.”

“Um, guys? Much as I’m sure we’d all just love to have this conversation right now, I really don’t think Mom and Dawn need a detailed rundown of my sex life, and we do, in fact, have more important things to discuss.” Buffy turned to her Watcher. “Giles, when were you planning to tell me about the desert quest-y thing? And why did I have to hear about it from Wesley? Also, just have to say he’s really grown into himself. I think Dawn has a new crush.” Dawn blushed. “Hell, if I didn’t already have a hot Brit wrapped around my little finger, I’d have a new crush myself.”

They all looked at her in astonishment. Giles was first to get himself together. “I didn’t think you had need of it, Buffy. You seemed to have everything under control.”

Buffy gave an inelegant snort. “Yeah, right. Totally with the control, Giles. Glory’s been kicking my ass left, right, and centre. Did you not think harnessing my inner Slayer might be useful, not just for now, but in general? There are a few things I need to do first, but this weekend, you’ll be shaking that gourd.”

Giles nodded. “Very well, Buffy. What do we need to do before the quest?”

“Well there’s a few things, but me giving you all a good talking to is number one on the agenda. And before you all start shouting at me, I want to tell you that I love you, all of you. Even those of you I don’t know well enough yet.” She turned and looked at Tara and Anya, “But I will. Get to know you. But while I was away, I realised a few things… one of which was that I worry way too much about what my friends think. I don’t know how long I’m going to be alive from one day to the next, people. I want to love and be loved by someone who sends my blood racing. I want to be happy every minute I can be. You guys get to be happy - why can’t I be when I’ve got less time? The problem is that none of you really understand what it means to be me. Even Giles with all his Watcher training has no real concept of what it means to be the Slayer. In fact, Giles, although you’re a bit of a rebel, you are still way too entrenched in your beliefs. There are so many grey areas Giles; it’s not all black and white like the Council would like us to think.”

Buffy was looking each of them in the eyes in turn, completely dominating the room, but she spoke softly. “So, three things you need to understand. First is that you have to realise that I’m not completely human. I’ll never be ‘normal.’ I may be mostly human, but I have the essence of a demon bound inside me. So, human men just don’t cut it - oh and Xander, I know you were only trying to help, but guilting me into trying to make it work with someone that _you_ approved of, especially when said someone was being bitten in a suck house and was unsupportive and ridiculously needy when mom was sick, was not helpful. I love you like a brother, but you don’t get to tell me who I should be in love with.” Xander gave her a sheepish look and she smiled at him.

“Second, just because I’m all Action!Girl and hate researching does not mean I’m stupid. Do any of you even remember my SATs? I may not be book smart like Will, but I am perfectly capable of coming up with complex strategies and executing them. I have common sense too. Which brings me to number three,” Buffy turned and looked at Willow.

Willow looked back at her with a hurt expression. “I’ve got common sense! I’m not just book smart. What’s with the being all… forceful… and blunt… and… don’t you like me anymore?” Her bottom lip was wobbling.

“I love you, Will. You know I do. But if even Tara’s starting to worry about your magic use, don’t you think just maybe you should seek guidance from an experienced magic user, a professional perhaps? You like to be in control, Will. You don’t like it when things change. I didn’t call you out before because I’m your friend, but seriously? That Will be Done spell was way worse than cookie apologies. We could have been killed. It’s really not of the good to do magic on people without their knowledge or consent. And magic isn’t like physics, Will. You can’t just read a text book and apply the theory. You get lucky because of your innate power. But that power makes you dangerous, if it doesn’t come with ethics and understanding. And don’t get all deny-y on me. I know the witch thing is an integral part of you; I’m not asking you to stop. I’m asking you to get trained, so you can be my big gun and not a big bad I have to take out. I wouldn’t like to do it, but I sent the man I loved to hell, so...” Buffy had a haunted look in her eye.

Willow started to say something then lapsed into silence when she looked at Tara for support, and the blonde-haired witch wouldn’t meet her eyes. Buffy made a mental note to have a chat with Tara later and gave her a thumbs up.

Buffy turned back to her mom and Dawn, who looked rather nervous. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to tell you guys off. Mom’s still recovering from having her head cut open, and you’re not who you thought you were. But you are my little sister so you'd better start acting like a mini-slayer - all with the strong and powerful inner you. I want to keep you safe Dawn, and I’ll do anything to do it. Anything, including talking to you about stuff like you are an adult and not a baby. In return, I expect you to act your age and not like a toddler. Deal?”

Dawn looked astonished. She was used to Buffy alternating between sisterly loathing and over-protectiveness. This was new and potentially preferable. “Deal.”

“OK, so plan.” Buffy stood head up, hands on hips, fully in command of the troops. “Giles, I’d like you to take Mom and Dawn on a little road trip. Just for a day or so, so you’re out of town when this ritual is supposed to happen. You know, just in case. The rest of you lie low, preferably not somewhere obvious. I’m going to be getting Spike fighting fit, so we can take out Glory and a few other little side issues. Then, I’ll do the quest thingy and see what the First Slayer has to say for herself.” She held up a hand and stopped them before they could even start. “This is not a committee. I am the Slayer. I know what needs to be done and how to achieve it. For once, the best thing you guys can do is keep out of trouble and let me do my thing. Glory’s a hell god people. You might as well be bugs. _I_ might as well be a bug. But I know something I didn’t know before, and that’s what’ll take her down.”

There was a stunned silence. For once, they were so shocked they couldn’t even argue.

Again, Giles was first to respond. “Right then. Joyce, Dawn, where do you want to go? Might as well enjoy it if we’re being sent into exile, albeit briefly.” Buffy gave Giles a warm smile.

“Let’s just get on the freeway and wing it, Rupert. I’ve never been on a road trip. Might be fun.” Joyce decided to channel her inner hedonist. She’d been exploring the lighter side of life since her health scare.

“Totally,” agreed Dawn. “Planning sucks ass.”

“Dawn! I’m sorry, Rupert. I don’t know what’s come over her.” Joyce glared pointedly at Buffy.

“What? Why are you looking at Buffy like that, Mom? She’s got nothing to do with it.” Dawn was indignant, “I can cuss, everybody else does.”

“On that note, I’m outta here. Come on, Ahn. Let’s go lie low for a couple of days like General Buffy here’s ordered us.” Xander turned to the Wiccans, “You two need a ride?”

“Sure, Xan. Uh Buffy... we’re cool, right?” Willow looked so unsure of herself. Buffy felt a little bad for the lecture.

“We’re cool, Will. But please, have a chat with Tara about earth magic, grounding and ethics. I think you need to listen to what she has to say without going on the defensive.” Buffy gave Willow a pleading look then wrapped Tara in a bear hug. “See you in a few days, OK? It’ll all be fine, I promise.”

The Scoobies let themselves out. Buffy waved from the front door. “That went better than I expected. Right, you guys, go get packed. I’m off to nurse Spike. Giles, it’ll be safe by Saturday, so I’ll see you then. Mom, Dawn…” Buffy gathered them into a hug. “I love you. Now shoo. Be safe. Ooh - nearly forgot.” She walked into the dining room and pulled something out of the bot. “No one needs to hear this, not even me.” She grabbed a jacket as she passed through the front door and stuck the object in her pocket as she closed the door behind her.

Buffy thought to herself that just by being honest and saying what she felt, and hopefully steering people onto a better path, she had probably averted most of the bad stuff which, in the other timeline, had eventually led to Armageddon. Also there was now no chance of anyone playing the Spike/Buffybot sextape. Which was of the good.

**********

Before going back to Spike’s crypt, Buffy made a stop at the hospital to see if Ben was on shift. They told her he’d been let go. That frankly was ‘a bit of a bugger’ as Spike would say. Now she’d have to do the coffee date thing or come up with some other excuse for meeting with him. At least she still had his number somewhere. She wondered briefly what was wrong with her all those years ago. How could she have found floppy brown hair and puppy eyes attractive? Seriously? Bleurgh. It left a taste in her mouth worse than Spike’s whisky.

Back at the crypt, Spike was feeling _much_ better. He’d managed to realign everything before the Slayer blood had really kicked his healing in, so at least he didn’t have to re-break anything. He’d been a good boy and was drinking a blood bag every 20 minutes as ordered. He’d even managed to get on his feet and locate a stray bottle of Jack before making his way to the lower level which, although not quite as sumptuous as when he and Buffy had kept missing the bed in that other timeline so long ago, was definitely more comfortable than the sarcophagus, even with padding. He was feeling no pain when Buffy returned.

“Spike, are you down there?”

“Slayer! Super sexy slayer!” He gave her his patented come hither look. “Super slinky sexy slayer… Mmmm… Wanna taste of my sexy Slayer.”

“Spike, how the hell did you get down there? And are you… drunk? You are in so much trouble…”

“You gonna spank me for being a bad boy, Slayer? I know you want to…”

Buffy tried really hard to keep a stern expression on her face but just couldn’t maintain it. He was just too cute when he was like this. Buffy called it drunk, horny, kitten mode ‘cause he tended to purr a lot. She was rather fond of it. She giggled. “I think Glory spanked you enough, don’t you? You’re all battered and bruised. Don’t want to hurt you.”

“Ah, but kitten, you hurt me in a gooood way. Come ‘ere.” Spike held his hand out, and when she took it, he pulled her right over on top of him. “Mmmm, you’re all warm ’n’ snuggly. Can think of something I’d like warming up…”

“You, sir, are incorrigible.” Buffy wriggled in an attempt to get away but only succeeded in getting herself into more trouble; she really needed to learn that grinding against Spike’s cock had the exact opposite effect to a cold shower.

“An’ you love it. I know you’re all fired up from channelling the Slayer… all warm and wet, mmm so tasty.” Spike ran his free hand down her side and across her hip until it sat between her thighs. He pressed his middle finger along her centre and pulsed it gently against her. “Can feel you twitchin' kitten. No good playing hard to get.”

Buffy arched her hips against him and whimpered, “Please.”

“Please what?” Spike ran his finger across her panties, tracing the shape of her.

“Please play with me. I want to feel your hand on me.” She was panting now. “Inside me.”

He edged his fingers under the lace and dipped his index finger into her before running it up and around her clit, barely touching it. She writhed against his hand. “Not so fast, missy. Need to know if you deserve it first. Have you been a good girl? What did you tell them?”

“I… I told Giles he was narrow minded… I… Oh god please Spike… I told them… Aah… I told them that I was smart… I…” She descended into whimpers for a few seconds.

Spike abandoned her clit and briefly pushed his finger deep into her, covering his finger in her wetness, before moving it back and restarting the teasing circles. He loved making her come apart like this. Her pussy all hot, wet and twitchy. She’d clamped down on him the moment he’d dipped his finger inside her. God, she was glorious. “Did I say you could stop talking?”

“Ungh… Fuck! I… I told Willow… she... she...was irresponsible… Ah… with the magic...Oh Spike… Please… a… and… Xander... he was a hypocrite… a… about the bot… a… and Riley… Ohgodohgodohgod… Please… please let me come.” She could barely think now, all of her being focused on that one finger.

“Not until you tell me everything.” Spike was rock hard in his jeans. If he wasn’t so knocked about, he’d have rolled her over and driven her into the bed but that wasn’t really an option.

“I… I… I can’t fucking think Spike.... Ah… I… Pleeaaase.” Buffy was wailing now, a rush of heat starting to come over her, her core tight and almost full with anticipation.

Spike stopped circling and put the pad of his finger over the tip of her clit. “Finish, or I’ll leave you on the edge.” Oh this was just too delicious, her little nub was actually pulsing under his finger. He couldn’t wait to hear her screaming her release.

“Fuck! I told Dawn I’d… I’d… I’d…” Spike restarted the circles, pressing a little harder. “Oh thank God… I’d stop... treating her like... a… a baby… and… and… that I… that… I… wasn’t… wasn’t… wasn’t completely human… and that… Oh god... that a… human man isn’t… enough… Spike…. Please... enough for me.”

Spike plunged his middle fingers deep into her heat, curling them forward as he strumbed his thumb across her clit.

Buffy arched into him, her head thrown back, her entire body rigid as she screamed his name. Spike could feel her clenching around his fingers, wave after pulsing wave.

“Fuck!” Spike came in his jeans like a schoolboy as she collapsed onto his chest. He left his fingers inside her until she finally stopped spasming around them, then gently withdrew them and lifted them to his mouth, sucking them clean. “Mmmm, sexy Slayer, tastiest flavour in the world.” He started purring.

**********

Buffy slipped away early the next morning, leaving Spike to sleep. She had things to do, and he was still recovering. She’d long ago learned that sometimes the right thing to do was to do the wrong thing in regards her conscience. Ben knew Glory was part of him. He could have stopped her at any time but chose not to because ultimately for him self-preservation trumped world save-age. For Buffy though, preserving the world meant taking out whoever the bad guys were these days, human _or_ demon. First, she went home to change into something a bit more slay-friendly and to pick up a few essentials to make her stay at the crypt a little more comfortable. Then she called Ben, who by a stroke of luck was currently in residence at the penthouse, so she didn’t have to leave a message. He sounded eager to meet her for a drink at the Bronze. That just left the Knights of Byzantium to contend with. But she knew where one of them was, and he was the only one who knew Dawn was the Key. She left the Knight in his bed. He’d barely struggled when she put the pillow over his face.

That done, she went back to the crypt and crawled into Spike’s arms. She was unable to get to sleep, and eventually, the tears came. He held her as she sobbed. “I know I had to do it. Why does it still hurt Spike? Even when I know it’s the right thing, it’s like a knife in my chest.”

He stroked her back in meandering circles. “It hurts because you want to be good, kitten,” he rumbled, “because you’re full of light, because you always think the best of everyone, and to do what you had to do this morning means you took away someone’s chance for redemption.”

Buffy snuggled against his chest. “You do know being all Insightful!Vamp makes you insufferable, don’t you?” she said through the sniffles.

“I know, luv, but that’s what you love about me. That and my hot, tight little body.” Buffy giggled and he kissed her forehead. “Now, do you need me to sing you a lullaby?”

She weakly thumped his chest while giving a jaw-cracking yawn. “Nah, that’ll just give me nightmares. Night Spike.”

“Night, kitten.” Spike waited till her breathing became regular, and she started to snore. “Ah, my cute, snuffly lil Slayer. You have no idea how much I worship and adore you. Still can’t believe you let me redeem myself at your side every day.” He buried his nose in her hair and was asleep the moment he closed his eyes.

**********

They woke just before sunset. Spike was still pretty battered but was now steady on his feet and would be able to at least protect her flank at a push in a fight. He drank the last of the bags from Willy just to be on the safe side.

They left Restfield with a clear purpose, every line taut with intent. Making their way to the Bronze, Spike grabbed a beer at the bar and made his way to the balcony. It’d be quiet, and he’d be able to keep an eye on his Slayer.

Buffy ordered a soda and sat at the bar, waiting for her date. She turned, startled at a hand on her shoulder. “Ben! I’m so glad you came. I wasn’t sure you would after the coffee-no coffee call. It’s good to see you. Shall we?” She got off the stool and moved towards one of the tables in clear view of Spike. “So, how have you been? We didn’t see you at the hospital for Mom’s last checkup.”

Ben sighed. “Up and down, Buffy. Some stuff’s been happening in my private life to make things complicated. My sister is staying with me. She has some issues to deal with, and I’ve been helping her sort through them. How about you? All well with Joyce?”

“Yes, she’s fine. I’m really glad to see you, Ben. I needed a break and my friends are all wrapped up with each other, and…”

“And sometimes it’s nice just to hang out with someone new…”

“Exactly. It’s been really stressful, and I totally need to let my hair down without the usual witnesses. Are you up for that?”

“I’m up for that.” He was so up for that. Glory had lost his job and was driving him crazy. She deserved a hangover. He ordered a pitcher of beer.

Spike was not finding it easy to watch Buffy play at drunk flirting, but at least he knew she’d be coming home with him. He ground his teeth as she leaned in and whispered in Ben’s ear, then grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the back door. Spike flew down the stairs and followed silently behind them. He couldn’t do the deed, but he could be there as immoral support.

Buffy had Ben up against the wall, her hands in his hair as she kissed him. “I’m sorry,” she whispered as she snapped his neck. He collapsed at her feet, and she stumbled back into Spike’s chest, gasping for breath.

Spike turned her to face him and wrapped his arms around her. “It’s OK, kitten. Wish I could have done this for you. Shouldn’t be on your conscience. At least, I can help you with what else we need to do tonight. Let’s get out of here. Killin’ some beasties’ll numb the pain.”

Buffy was in full Slayer mode by the time they reached Glory’s penthouse. The Beast’s minions didn’t stand a chance against her. She destroyed them in complete silence, only gasps and grunts as she took them apart one by one. Spike knew that this was her coping mechanism. She’d had to kill Ben as Buffy, and it was hurting. This was what she needed to get through it. But he knew too that, somehow, she was going to have to learn to reconcile with herself, that after all this time, she still wasn’t entirely comfortable with all her constituent parts the way he was. Spike had always been at one with his demon, odd as it was, and being accepted by Buffy had allowed him to accept his inner William, and after much self flagellation, even his soul was a fully integral part of his being. It wasn’t something he could help her with; she’d have to find her own path. He came back from his musings in time to see her holding the last survivor by the throat.

Buffy was still all Slayer as she snarled, “Glory’s gone. You’ll find Ben’s body behind the Bronze. I have a final mission for you. Take his body to the Knights of Byzantium. Tell them their mission is no longer necessary. Will you do this, or shall I kill you now?”

“I will do as you ask, Slayer.  Mistress underestimated you.” Buffy released the final minion, and he scurried away. She sank to the floor, silent tears streaming down her cheeks.

Spike sat down next to her and pulled her into his lap. “Oh, kitten, what you do to yourself. You did what had to be done to save Dawn and yourself, and to stop the First Evil, and every other bad thing that followed from that. One life for so many others Buffy. And not even an innocent.” He brushed her tears away with his thumb. “Come on, let's get you to bed. They’ll be home tomorrow. How about we get everyone together for movie night? Princess Bride? And Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels for me, Giles and Xander? I’ll pay for pizza.”

Buffy smiled through her tears. “With what? I know you’re broke.”

“Not so broke I can’t buy pizza for my girl. Up you get.” Spike pushed her to her feet and took her proffered hand; as she pulled him to his feet, he thought to himself that this might just be heaven.

***********

Buffy and Spike were at Revello Drive when Giles returned with Joyce and Dawn the next day. The trio had had a great time just moseying up the coast. Giles had found a nice little restaurant on the first night, and he and Joyce had been “slightly sloshed”. Dawn took great pleasure in announcing to Buffy that she’d witnessed drunken smoochies on the beach. Buffy bluntly told her it could have been worse; she was still scarred from cop car hood hanky panky. Spike fell off his chair. He was still wiping tears from his eyes and holding his belly when the rest of the Scoobies arrived for movie night. Buffy told them she’d be dating Spike from now on and gave them all the update on the Glory sitch. Xander didn’t insult Spike all night, which was nice.

The next evening, Buffy went to Giles’s as arranged. As they drove out to the desert in his little red convertible, she wondered what she’d get out of doing this over again, but she decided she was willing to give it a shot. Once Giles had laid out his sticks and done the hokey pokey and shaken his gourd (again - and it was even funnier second time around), she knew exactly what she was doing.

**She, Buffy Summers, was on a quest. Well questing, at minimum. She wasn’t sure if her current situation really qualified as being 'on' anything, except maybe a laugh high from watching Giles literally shake his gourd. Of course, the whole questing thing would have been way more interesting if something had actually been happening.**


End file.
